'Half Gay' my Ass!!!

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C-Allagash's avatar
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This week, my first idea was to write a journal about free verse, but after the many views "Yes and No" had, I really have to say something about it.

The image is actually my cover photo on Facebook (Don't believe it? You can see it here: www.facebook.com/callagash)
Some people, although they're my friends, don't accept my sexuality, they feel ashamed of being with me, sometimes they feel pity.
"Yes and No" was my way to express that if they want to be my friends, they have to accept it because I won't hide what I am... and if they're not satisfied, well, they can unfriend me.

I'm really happy to know that my words represent what so many other people feel.
And a bit sad too, after all, it means that many people have been harrassed for something like that.

Anyway, the image had a watermark, but it's no longer there. Then, please, feel free to use it, on Facebook or whatever.

I would like to thank for the many favs and comments.
I can't answer them all, but I would like to comment about some of the things I read.
These are MY answers, based on my own experiences.

--> Some people were asking why being bisexual, I don't consider myself "half-straight, half-homo", I mean, fifty-fifty.
Straight or hetero is someone who only feels attracted for the opposite sex.
Homosexual is someone who feel attraction for the same sex.
Therefore, bisexual, pederast, lesbian, pansexual are subdivisions of homosexual.
Being bisexual (or pansexual) you can have a relationship with someone from the opposite sex, which doesn't change the fact you feel attracted for the same sex.
It's hard to admit you're gay, then sometimes people feel safer telling they're just "half gay". As for me though... I've never felt a half love, a half attraction, a half feeling. I've never loved a half person. Then, "half" my ass.
I'm full in my relationships. Anyway, how can you detect the percentage fifty-fifty?
During all my life, if I date x people, if x/2 are girls and x/2 are boys, then I'm bi... although I will only know when I am dead?
Or can I use a feeling measurer to detect if I feel 50% attracted for boys, 50% attracted for girls?

--> Homosexualism and religion.
The comments I could read were enough to make me see that not only me but other deviants were being harassed by religious people, there was one deviant especially answering the comments with very rude remarks. I apologize for exposing you to this kind of comment.
I din't know if I could report that deviant, considering nowadays everything is considered "freedom of speech", but I did, because, believe-me or not, he reported the people HE harassed and answered his rude and homophopic comments as spam!
He's also blocked, so he can't keep on posting on that deviation.
I felt extremely offended with a comment "you don't care, right?"
How can anyone who doesn't know me tell me what I care or what I don't care about?
I do care about God. I have a religion myself, I'm protestant.
I won't pretend that some religious people aren't against homosexualism, but as far as know, every religion is based on love. I can't believe love is a sin.
Some people misinterpret the scriptures, or interpret them as they want. They think they play they're God, judging and condemning people, because they have nothing better to do than spreading hate. But they AREN'T God!
If you're Christian, like me, remember "Judge not, that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7:1 ).
If you're not, verify the scriptures all the same, the corresponding ones of your religion. Talk to God, open your heart.
Don't let people weaken your faith, don't let them tell what you can believe.
Only someone who went to hell himself/herself can tell you what you can be punishef of for sure... Still, would you believe someone who went to hell??? o.O

--> What about people who say " I've finally understood/decided that I'm really gay" or "I was discovering myself". How can it be?
Well, I have an explication.
No one is raised to be gay, it's a possibility no one mentions.
Maybe nowadays things are changing, but I've never seen it.
I mean, parents, teachers, family in general, society make you think that straight is the only way.
In adolescence, when we start to have the sexual instincts emerge, and I was realizing something was different, I started to introduce this subject to my family and people close to me, and I heard it was impossible, that people who "think" they are gay are only suffering a "temporary illness".
I searched for help in books... they usually say that it's a temporary phase common in adolescence and that it ends soon.
Then, if someone says that all that you're feeling is a phase, and although you feel attracted to the same sex you're straight...
There's a time for each person to realize that it's not something temporary, a moment that's too strong to simply deny.
It can take YEARS.
Sometimes because the person doesn't want to admit it... sometimes this person has already a family, or a religious creed, or other kinds of pressure as work of friends.
It's hard to admit that you're gay.
Many people will judge and condemn. Sometimes lying is just easier.
There are doubts too.
I'm saying what I lived.
Try to understand how it was when all that I have learned simply didn't make any sense when I realized I was in love with a girl...
The first thing you do is deny.
When I saw I could not deny it, I still didn't know what to do and waited for the phase to pass....
Later I had relationships with boys too... then, the phase was over?
Then it came another girl... and some personal experiences that made me realize that it was not a false.
It's confusing, I admit, but believe-me, it's confusing for us too.

--> Gay pride.
I've never understood really the expression "Gay pride".
You are proud of something you obtained for merit, and I've never done anything to be gay. Like the song says, "I was born this way".
However, when I see those bigots harassing, humiliating and hurting people, I feel proud for being different, for thinking by myself and not thinking the way some people tell to me think.
Is it being gay?
Well, then yes, I'm gay and proud of it.

--> Is it hard to be gay?
Honestly, if you're gay, people may scold you at work, at school. Maybe your family won't accept you and will have to leave home or spend years lying.
Sometimes people you thought that were friends will ignore you. Unfortunately, some gay people suffer violence.
But they're external things.
Lying to yourself is internal, and it can be something horrible.
If you ask me, I felt like my life was grey and something was missing, until the moment I simply could no longer deny what I was. And I am really happy this moment came.
I'm happy for being gay. Really.
If you are gay, pretending you are not or telling that you're not won't change what you really are.
Freedom is something incredible, you'll only know what it feels like when you break your cage.
Being gay by itself won't change you character, your personality, your intelligence, nothing, you'll only feel better for being honest with yourself.
Other than people that are more concerned about whom you share your bed with rather than caring about their own lives, there's nothing bad about being gay.
And I'm confident that someday no one will mind about it.

--> You're bi, then why do you care?
Some people think that, as I'm bi, I could pretend that I'm not gay. After all, if I'm in a relationship with a man, I can avoid the prejudice that gays suffer.
But no, I won't ignore the situation I'm in or so many other people like me are, whether I'm with a man or with a woman.
Gays have rights, that must be assured.
They're also MY rights, it's also MY truth.

****

Thanks for the patience, and sorry for the typos. This text is so f... long that, sorry but, no, I won't look for them ;)

Good week

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cosmosgrl19's avatar
I love you. :D You ma'am are amazing.