literature

A Split Up

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C-Allagash's avatar
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Literature Text

- I couldn’t have expected otherwise! It’s always the same thing with you! I should have already known you’re just unable to meet your responsibilities – interjected Melissa.
- It’s not as you’re saying.  – Nathan tried to defend himself.
- Isn’t it? I thought we were in this together, that I could count on you, rely on you. But everything you do is just evasion.
- I am so in it as you are; I don’t need to take this.
- Yes you do! Because we are together. It should be as important for you as it is for me. Do you know what is the main difference between us? I wouldn’t have done the same to you; I have consideration for your feelings, I try to put myself in your shoes. You are just unable to do the same!
- So now is it my fault?
- Of course it is! You made me believe it could work, and I trusted you!
- You can trust me! I am still the same person, the old Nate you met before. But I am human, and sometimes we makes mistakes.
- Yes… but that was a huge one. I really couldn’t have expected that from you.
- Could you at least try to forgive and move on?
- It’s not so simple.
- Look, I didn’t know it would be so difficult. I thought myself it wouldn’t be easy, but that we could do it. It’s not as easy for me as you think.
- I am not talking about it being easy or not. I just can’t stand it anymore! It’s too much for me. Now you’re trying to reason and make things less serious than they are, but I am close to tears!
- I have never lied to you.
- Then I must only assume that I am the idiot here. It is all my fault. I was looking for it.
- Please don’t say those things. Come here. You have my shoulder to cry on.
Melissa embraced Nathan, bursting into tears and received a warm hug in return. They both remained like that for some moments, when Nathan finally broke it:
- You know… Nothing you say will make me clean that kitchen; it’s your job!
- But you messed it!
- I was just trying to eat some Doritos. It is not my fault the packet exploded.
- Did you need to cover the floor with them?
- It was an accident, it is not my fault.
- Neither is it mine.
- We had a deal. I cook and you clean.
- Yes, but it was about regular cleaning, not about explosions of packets of chips.
- A deal is a deal.
- Having a flatmate was the worst idea I’ve ever had.
- You did it consensually; you wanted to share expenses, remember?
- I can’t believe you’re putting the blame on me. You know what? You’re right. It’s not you, it’s me. This is not working anymore.
- What do you mean?
- I think we should see other people... so that we can find appropriate flatmates for ourselves.
- Are you “splitting up” with me?
- You know… I just don’t feel that spark anymore.
- We are just fecking flatmates. You’re overreacting!
- It doesn’t matter. I have my pride.
- Well… it doesn't matter for me either: I have Doritos. Bye – and Nathan left, banging the door, with a mouthful of nachos.
Finally uploading something this week. This is SO silly, but it's one of the short stories I had written recently.

I'll upload some poetry later in this week, so don't hate me. ^^'
Comments1
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Lishao's avatar
THOUGHT
I don't understand your style of presentation writing and some of your terms I don't understand but it might be due to different culture or country I suppose?

STORY THOUGHTS
1. a bit formal wordy? I'm not sure how to explain it...just the dialogue seems wordy vs natural? I can't tell if this you how the people actually speak or if it's you're writers version of how you perceive people to speak.

Example: "- Look, I didn’t know it would be so difficult. I thought myself it wouldn’t be easy, but that we could do it. It’s not as easy for me as you think.
- I am not talking about it being easy or not. I just can’t stand it anymore! It’s too much for me. Now you’re trying to reason and make things less serious than they are, but I am close to tears!"
Sounds wordy/speechy to me versus things said in a heated argument.

It's not a bad thing it just distracts me somewhat. Maybe it's me.

Example 2: - I was just trying to eat some Doritos. It is not my fault the packet exploded.
- Did you need to cover the floor with them?
- It was an accident, it is not my fault.
That sounds very natural to me and isn't wordy/speechy. It sounds argumentative. I like that.


2. I have to admit I was looking for some good juicy drama. To find it all revolved around doritos was a bit of a middle finger but a funny middle finger. How petty! But then again that's a slice of life.

I'd be curious to see what else you write. This was pretty decent.